Shut Up and Kiss Me Already
by Bicycles
Summary: "Yes, Lysander must be right. He had to be cursed. Cursed to fall in love with oblivious and pretty Ravenclaws." - In which James tries to admit his love to Lysander, but fails dramatically. Life as a Potter has never been this hard.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Harry Potter series; it belongs to J. K. Rowling.

**Warnings: **This contains **slash **(male/male situations). Also, this borders on **crack **so much it hurts. But maybe that's just how life works for James: one angsty ordeal after the other. This is **unbeta'd**, so any spelling or grammar mistakes are my own (I'm really sorry if you should find any, I tried to eliminate as much as possible).

**A/N: **Written for Rachel's "The Every NextGen Pairing Possible Challenge" over at HPFC. I hope y'all enjoy my take on this pretty unusual pairing! :))

* * *

**Shut Up and Kiss Me Already**

James was pretty sure he had never laid eyes on anybody as beautiful as Lysander Scamander before. Maybe Teddy, but that was an entirely different story he never wanted to think about again. It was ironic, in a way, how his star-crossed crush had led him to find his one true love. It hadn't been love on first sight, but the more time he had spend with Teddy's odd friend, the more he realized how much he hated _not_ spending time with him. The moment he realized that, he could have very well been struck by lightning, so deeply shaken was he by it.

After that, his interest in Lysander increased so much, even Albus started noticing and called him out on his sudden obsession at the dinner table of all places. Personally, James thought obsession was a pretty ugly word for love. Albus wasn't the only one who noticed, though. Lorcan Scamander had been a close second. He had jumped him right after Quidditch practice, threatening him with all kinds of bodily harm if he didn't stop taking taps on his twin already. And by the way, his twin was too much of a Ravenclaw to fall for James' ugly face, anyways. His words, not James'.

In the end, the only one who seemed blissfully ignorant to James' love was Lysander himself – something that brought James to his wits end on a regular basis. Seriously, three years of sending singing Valentine (this had been his mother's advice, thank you very much), and not so subtly changing classroom seating arrangements, so that they'd always sit next to each other, and Lysander still hadn't caught on. James was moments from calling his mission quits, and admitting that his heart had yet again been torn to pieces by somebody who didn't even realize how much he loved them.

"You must be cursed," Lysander said slowly, gray eyes wide and round as he gave his best friend a pitying look. "I can't even imagine how it must be to love somebody so desperately. It has to be awful!"

Gaping, James struggled for words. Here he was, in the middle of his uncle's shop, declaring his undying love in such an obvious way (of course, he never directly mentioned Lysander's name, but still), and the boy still didn't catch on! What was he doing wrong? Should he just burst out with the truth and see what would happen? Yes, Lysander must be right. He had to be cursed. Cursed to fall in love with oblivious and pretty Ravenclaws.

"Lysander," James started, gathering all his Gryffindor courage but mostly all of his desperation for his epic proclamation of love. "Lysander, I love –"

"Hey, there you are!"

Throwing up his hands in exasperation, James turned around to glare at whoever dared to interrupt him.

"Uh, okay, well, no reason to look at me like that, Jamie. Haha, you know I can't deal with hostility."

Of course. His idiot younger brother. Scratching the back of his neck, Albus gave him a nervous smile.

"I just came to let you know Uncle George needed you in the back. Uh, and Uncle Ron asked if you wanted to stay over tonight. You know, because of Hugo's birthday and all. I mean, it's tomorrow, but Roxanne and Freddy are staying … I won't be there tonight, though, 'cause Scorpius invited me over to his already, but ..."

Albus trailed off with an uncertain laugh, and all James wanted to do was to curse him into next week for slapping his perfect love life in his face like this. How did someone like Malfoy get his happy ending, while James never even got a chance at one? It was bloody unfair, that's what it was!

"Well," Albus drew out, giving them a small wave. "I'll be on my way then."

"I think you scared him off," Lysander noted, watching Albus leave with a small frown. "You know, you can be pretty scary at times."

"Only if you get on my bad side," James said brusquely, narrowing his eyes as he watched Malfoy all but ravish his little brother for everybody to see. Who did Malfoy think he was, anyways?

Lysander hummed, apparently deep in thought, before putting the Limited Daydream Charm that promised at least one of the adventures in the Amazon dragon areas back on its shelf.

"Weren't you trying to say something before Albus interrupted you?" Lysander finally said, walking slowly towards the shelf filled with Muggle magic tricks, while sending James a sly smile over his shoulder.

James narrowed his eyes. While Lysander mostly acted all innocent and apathetic, he sometimes seemed to be all too aware of what was going on in the people around him. Sometimes, it made him wonder if Lysander was actually just playing all of them and laughing at their gullibility. As soon as the thought entered his mind, Lysander gave a sound of pure awe as he all but jumped on the coin tricks.

"Muggles," he whispered, holding the coins to his face in reverence. "Such strange creatures."

Nope, his friend was definitely just as much of a crazy loon as his mother. And that was exactly why James loved him. Okay, it also freaked him out at times, but mostly it filled him with the same kind of pure love one might feel for a puppy that was discovering the outdoors for the first time.

"I love you!" James burst out, a giant burden finally being lifted from his shoulders. "I love the way you laugh, the way you smile, the way you breathe! I love who you are and how you act! I love you!"

The exclamation fell from his lips as if they had been meant to be spoken ages ago. He could feel adrenaline coursing through his body and sweat forming on his brows. Excitement thrummed through his whole being like an unknown energy as he felt like the king of the world. He was James Potter II, and he was deeply and madly in love with one weird Lysander Scamander. He wanted to scream it from the top of his lungs and let the whole world now!

"I love you," he whispered again.

All the while, Lysander kept searching through the various shelves, now stopping short in front of the magazine shelf.

"Dear Merlin!" Lysander exclaimed.

"I know, I know, it's all so sudden, but I just couldn't keep lying to myself anymore!" James responded with eagerness, shuffling closer to the other boy and grasping him by the shoulders.

"Lie to me? What? Huh?" Lysander said as he looked up at James with the most flabbergasted expression he had ever seen the other wear, while clutching Witch Weekly to his chest like a shield.

"Sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention; I thought I saw Scorpius Malfoy shirtless."

_Seriously? _James thought as he gaped at his best friend. Maybe they just weren't meant to be. Maybe fate was on her period or something. Maybe life just simply despised his very existence. He was sure some mythical, all-powerful creature was peeing his pants laughing right now. _What do you even reply to something like that?_

"Hey, Jamie-boy! Get your lazy butt over here! Didn't I send Alby to get you an hour ago?" Uncle George called out, floating on a platform that closely resembled one of those Muggle space ships out of those overly futuristic, old movies Hugo loved to watch.

For the first time, James was truly happy for the distraction. One more minute in Lysander's presence, and he'd surely explode from all-consuming frustration. Hurrying over to his uncle, he almost overheard Lysander's "Wait! James, please!".

Turning around, he yelled, "I'm really not in the mood to deal with you right now, Sandy!"

Ignoring the other boy's protests, James continued his way through the shop. Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes was the best shop in all of the UK, and James had been working at the shop for almost two years now. He was looking forward to one day taking over the shop and modernizing it a bit. Especially the love potions section. All his years trying to seduce first Teddy and then Lysander had made him somewhat of a pioneer in that area.

"What's up, Uncle G!"

"Not much, Jamie-poo," his uncle replied drily, pulling him into a short hug. "We got in the stuff from Latvia, though, and I need you to sort it out for me. Just go through them and see if they missed anything."

"Merlin's beard, what would we need stuff from Latvia for?"

"This and that," Uncle George vaguely replied, pushing him towards the back of the shop. "There are just so many places where they produce high quality anti-monkey repellent."

James stopped dead in his tracks. "Did you just say what I think you said?"

"High quality anti-monkey repellent?"

"High … quality anti-monkey _repellent?_ What on earth would you need anti-monkey stuff for?"

"Well, there's a time and place for everything! It might come in handy when you go to a Muggle grocery store. Hermione says Muggle housewives are downright crazy!"

_You are downright crazy!_, was all James wanted to scream at him.

This was it. The world had gone totally bonkers. The apocalypse was near. Quick! Grab one of George Weasley's anti-monkey repellent! It'll come in handy if you need to fight off zombie Muggle housewives!

"Yes, because it's so obvious you're going to need anti-monkey repellent for a trip to a Muggle grocery store," James responded snidely, but continued to follow his uncle into the back.

Giving him a truly hurt look, Uncle George tried to defend his idea. "You never know! It could be very useful! Maybe not necessarily in a Muggle grocery store, but … elsewhere!"

"Right, and I'm gay!" James snapped as he examined the ship-load of boxes in the back.

All of them had a Latvian stamp on them as well as a pretty dangerous looking image of a monkey.

"You are? That explains so much!" Uncle George said dramatically, faking betrayal and surprise at the same time.

"Ha bloody ha. My sexual orientation isn't up to debate. Your ability to chose what kind of products will pay off in the long run, on the other hand, is."

"Just look through them, Potter. I'm not paying you to criticize my life choices."

With that, Uncle George turned on his heels and stepped back on his platform to continue floating through the store.

Sometimes, James wondered what doing drugs might feel like. It couldn't be too different from the life he was currently leading. During times like these, he truly wished he could have been born a Muggle. Then maybe he wouldn't find himself in the back of a shady shop, going through hundreds of Latvian boxes, and fearing for his own sanity. Maybe life would have been _normal_.

* * *

He was finishing up his last box when Lysander popped out of nowhere. To be honest, James had thought Lysander would have left hours ago and he would have preferred it that way. He just couldn't handle the other boy right now. There was just so much emotional trauma his brain could come to terms with.

"I had a dream about you last night," Lysander said without any kind of greeting, instead plopping down on the closest anti-monkey repellent box and watching James with a weirdly considering expression.

"Really? What was I doing?" James said partly to humor the other and partly out of curiosity.

He had his back turned to Lysander, but he could feel his gaze burning into his back. Lysander could be bloody intense if he wanted to be, but James was too frustrated to appreciate it.

"You were screaming," Lysander said, drawing out each word as if it held special meaning to him. "You had a tooth pick stuck in your eye."

Grimacing, James turned around. "Great. Do you always have dreams like that?"

Lysander rolled his eyes. "Shush, you. I wasn't finished yet."

James merely grunted, but nodded towards the other to have him continue.

"So, you were screaming and you had a tooth pick stuck in your eye. I panicked. I had no idea what to do. We were alone in your family's kitchen, and I was pretty sure Nargels attacked you, even though Mom seems to be convinced they're completely harmless."

"Did you help me?" James asked.

Lysander shrugged. "I had no idea how to. For whatever reason I didn't have a wand. Now that I think about it I think we were both Muggles. In the end, you died. The tooth pick poisoned your system. I hope you'll never be a Muggle. I'd hate to live without you."

The last sentence was said so quietly, James almost missed it. But this was Lysander he was listening to – he'd be able to hear his thoughts if he concentrated hard enough. James swallowed hard.

"It was the worst dream of my life," Lysander added, jumping of the box and stepping closer towards him. "A memory I'll have to carry around with me forever, but it also showed me how _grateful_ I am for you to be alive."

James couldn't breathe. A giant clump of something was lodged deep inside his chest and for a moment, he thought he would suffocate.

"It also made me realize how happy I am to be a wizard," Lysander added with a slight smirk. "Also, there was never a shirtless Scorpius on the cover of Witch Weekly. I was just kidding. Obviously, I'm not the jokster in this relationship."

That seemed to brake whatever spell the other had cast on him and James bellowed, "I hate you! I hate you so much, Lysander Scamander! I hate you to the moon and the sun and back!"

"Oh, shut up and kiss me already," Lysander whispered, leaning forward to smash their lips together.

James was just all too happy to comply. His hands fluttered over the other boy's body with no idea where to stay as he pressed himself closer to his one true love. The kiss was awkward and sloppy – so much like them that it hurt.

_I love you, _James thought, and had he listened to Lysander's thoughts close enough he would have heard his _I love you, too_.


End file.
